By the Grace from Above these past weeks I went through a series of experiences that forced me to sleep three or two hours a night and few nights not sleep at all. I say by the Grace from Above because there is no way in this life I could have been able to fabricate these experiences. They were given to me and they all involved suffering. I now refer to them as a residence in Purgatory and designate them by what I call purgatorial suffering. It was a time spent in Hell because Hell is in Purgatory, right here on planet Earth. The good thing is that I came out these experiences purged and transformed.
I have to confess that few nights I was afraid I was going to break into pieces. Here I was inspired by an exchange between a disciple and Mr. Gurdjieff I had found in the so-called Gurdjieff Paris Meetings. Here is in its totality:
One feels that the body is under pressure, that it is the theater of such a struggle that it is going to break in pieces.
Remember, I said: man is not a pig, he cannot burst when he eats. The pig has a normal stomach—it cannot eat more than its stomach permits—it would burst; man is a scoundrel—he has a stom- ach of India-rubber. He is worse than the pig; he gulps down, he gulps down without ever bursting. Not only the stomach, all the organs are of rubber. But little by little he has degenerated. Even the rubber, if one does not use it, shrinks. It is only if one restores it a thousand times bigger that he is like he must be. “Burst,” it is a fantastic word. Only the pig can burst, man cannot. The pig has a normal stomach, he can burst. The stomach of man is of rubber, and all his organs. Continue without fear, if it is ten times more strong, so much the better; you shall go ten times faster here in my group. Have no fear, you will not burst. It is imagination. How can one burst if one eats well? You are used to gulping down like a pig. Never do you eat well. Only now you begin to learn what is true eating. Do not be afraid. Continue and con- tinue. Leave this sensation which creates that each time this expands; you are exactly like a child who has the hiccups, when it has eaten a great deal. Nature enlarges his stomach. A child can have the hiccups a thousand times. You are on the first time. Do not be afraid; you shall have them nine hundred ninety-nine times more.
After I went through the series of experiences I went back and tried to isolate the most important ingredients of my being that participated in them. It took me not a long time to determine that one of the most important ingredients that I was able to isolate was how the factor suggestibility had played an important role in these series of experiences. I had been aware for some time that I had inherited this factor suggestibility from my mother and that later through the influences coming from some relatives, teachers, and priests, this suggestibility had contributed to my formation and conditioning.
For instance, all throughout my life, I had been aware of how certain influences coming from my father had marked me negatively and that I had to struggle against them. I had also been aware of how certain preaching I had been exposed to during my childhood had a negative effect on me. Through the series of experiences I had I was able to experience these influences under a new light and was able to eradicate them.
As it is my custom for the past thirty-seven years to check with Beelzebub’s Tales to see if my path had any confirmation in the book, I went to the book and found this statement on page 107:
“Of these abnormal being-particularities, the particularity of their psyche the most terrible for them personally is that which is called ‘suggestibility.’
As in many other cases I had confirmed my experiences using Beelzebub’s Tales.
A final note. I am now convinced that all those liberating experiences would have not taken place had I not completed the work on my book “My Life with Mr. Beelzebub.” We work now and then the results of our work come to us later according to law. I am also convinced that my respect and love for Mr. Beelzebub paid back. As Mr. Gurdjieff said the whole cosmos and the whole of our life is full of conjuries.